Binge Eating to Throw Up Food

That title sounds awful. I hate to admit that I vomit to lose weight. It sounds so weak, so undisciplined and I have visions of anorexic and bulimic skinny girls. Not a pretty vision.

I'm not in the habit of throwing up. Its not something I like doing. But its a strategy I use to control weight gain. The alternate is to make peace with my weight slowly going up. After dieting for years and managing small gains (losses). I also manage real gains (heavier body mass). Not fun, when you are trying to be good, trying to lose or at least maintain your weight.

One of my biggest fears in life is to be big and fat like my mother. My dad was fat too. But my mum was obese. Grossly huge. She looked like a fat, pregnant woman. It didn't help me growing up hearing my dad tell my mother how disgusting she looked. Plenty name calling and loathing the sight of her. I was appalled by the sight of my naked (or clothed for that matter) mother. I remember the huge bloated belly, which ballooned out directly under her full breasts. Her thighs were extra large and her bottom actually looked small in comparison to the bulkiness of the rest of her body. I definitely believe obesity is ugly. Sure big people can look great. But I cant help thinking, they would look even better if they lost some weight. I have been brain washed by my family and society that thin is best. Interestingly I prefer solid built men. Skinny or thin is not my ideal for a man. Yet I envy thin or skinny women. Also interestingly, my husband doesn't like skinny or overly thin women. He much prefers curves and shape. I can point out a woman to my husband, who I think has the perfect figure, and he would say, no, she's too thin. She has no shape.

Slowly putting on weight scares me, as I imagine I am on my way to getting out of control fat. I feel I want to stop it sooner than later. I feel sorry for fat people. I think they have learned bad habits which are so hard to change. As you get older you could naturally put on more weight. It is common for people to gain an extra kilogram each year!

Purging (vomiting/sticking a finger down your throat) is not a cure all for losing weight. Don't be fooled into thinking everything your eat will come out. You may only vomit 30% of the calories you have consumed. So if you are eating excessively, relying on purging may not reduce weight. So bear in mind that your are subtracting some calories, not all. Not even close to all. You still have to be sensible. This is a tool, but be mindful that it's not 100% guaranteed that you can expel all calories consumed.