Lose 1 Kilogram in less than 5 minutes

Losing weight in minutes is like a miracle. Losing junk, those empty, fat making calories in seconds is only possible with purging. That's right, vomiting to avoid calorie consumption.

Today before inducing vomiting, I weighed myself pre-vomiting and again post-vomiting. I lost 700 grams. I really wasn't expecting such a dramatic difference. It feels satisfying getting rid of the naughty calories, but seeing that instant weight loss added to my sense of accomplishment. I enjoyed the ice-cream and chocolate, but didn't have to wear all of it.

Typically we all over indulge sometimes. I found it shocking to see how small a portion of food for my gender, age and size really is. Calorie counting can be a good thing. It helps you get your head around the fact that you are actually eating more than you should. Also realising how small your portions really should be, is a good thing. After a life time of bad eating habits, it can be hard to cut back all the time. Sometimes you do want to enjoy the foods you love, without tipping the scales and undoing the hard work you've put in, trying to avoid the sugary treats.

Throwing up your food can seem like a magic fix. It's not as easy as it seems. And its not always practical or possible to excuse yourself and vomit. It doesn't get rid of all the food, you've consumed. It's noisy, it can be smelly and people can hear what you're up to and its socially unacceptable, unless you are actually sick.

So you have overindulged. You feel guilty. With hindsight...bad, bad, bad. You could just skip a meal, to make up for those additional treats you ate? Absolutely! Definitely the better way to diet, than to induce vomiting.

Binge Eating to Throw Up Food

That title sounds awful. I hate to admit that I vomit to lose weight. It sounds so weak, so undisciplined and I have visions of anorexic and bulimic skinny girls. Not a pretty vision.

I'm not in the habit of throwing up. Its not something I like doing. But its a strategy I use to control weight gain. The alternate is to make peace with my weight slowly going up. After dieting for years and managing small gains (losses). I also manage real gains (heavier body mass). Not fun, when you are trying to be good, trying to lose or at least maintain your weight.

One of my biggest fears in life is to be big and fat like my mother. My dad was fat too. But my mum was obese. Grossly huge. She looked like a fat, pregnant woman. It didn't help me growing up hearing my dad tell my mother how disgusting she looked. Plenty name calling and loathing the sight of her. I was appalled by the sight of my naked (or clothed for that matter) mother. I remember the huge bloated belly, which ballooned out directly under her full breasts. Her thighs were extra large and her bottom actually looked small in comparison to the bulkiness of the rest of her body. I definitely believe obesity is ugly. Sure big people can look great. But I cant help thinking, they would look even better if they lost some weight. I have been brain washed by my family and society that thin is best. Interestingly I prefer solid built men. Skinny or thin is not my ideal for a man. Yet I envy thin or skinny women. Also interestingly, my husband doesn't like skinny or overly thin women. He much prefers curves and shape. I can point out a woman to my husband, who I think has the perfect figure, and he would say, no, she's too thin. She has no shape.

Slowly putting on weight scares me, as I imagine I am on my way to getting out of control fat. I feel I want to stop it sooner than later. I feel sorry for fat people. I think they have learned bad habits which are so hard to change. As you get older you could naturally put on more weight. It is common for people to gain an extra kilogram each year!

Purging (vomiting/sticking a finger down your throat) is not a cure all for losing weight. Don't be fooled into thinking everything your eat will come out. You may only vomit 30% of the calories you have consumed. So if you are eating excessively, relying on purging may not reduce weight. So bear in mind that your are subtracting some calories, not all. Not even close to all. You still have to be sensible. This is a tool, but be mindful that it's not 100% guaranteed that you can expel all calories consumed.

Do you Dare to Purge your way to Thin?

Thin...Thinner...Thinnest, may you never rest, until your thin is thinner and your thinner, thinnest!

I always saw myself as mildly fat. Looking back at childhood photos, I realise I wasn't nearly as fat as I imagined. My best friend was skinny, and next to her, I felt big and fat. I could grab hold of flesh and fat, (perfectly normal), yet I thought this was extra weight.

Until I reached 25 y/o I had never really worried too much about my weight. As a young married woman, I was cooking wholesome meals, and of course eating them. I got married straight out of home. I never really enjoyed my moms cooking, so I mostly ate bread. Now the cooked meals where catching up on me and adding up. Also my husband had a large appetite and ate larger portion sizes. My portion sizes increased gradually without me noticing. Within 2 years I had gained 10 kg. I studied and lived away from home for 5 months. In this time being away from my husband, I didn't need to worry about meal preparation and kept things simple and reasonably healthy, and lost the additional 10 kg over the 5 months. On returning home, I got so many compliments for how good I looked. Amazing what 10 kg can do to your appearance.

I went through a very health conscious period, where I learned about correct eating. This programme taught you how and when to eat. Which foods should or shouldn't be eaten with particular foods. It was rather complicated. I simplified things and pretty much lived on fruit and nuts. I was so focused and disciplined. I was so thin. Probably the thinnest I've ever been.

Roll forward many years and kids. The older me, was a happy me. I'm sure once again, the meal proportions had gradually increased. I was spending a fair amount of money on groceries. Not that we were big into luxuries or over the top recipes. But eating properly, following the standard diet of bread and cereals, meats, fish,  rice, fruit, vegetable, cheeses, yogurts, etc doesn't come cheap. Throw in the occasional take away/restaurant meal and the grocery bill soars. I had gained 10 kilograms again. This time it didn't bother me too much. However gradually add another 9kg and I almost weighed 80 kg. The Big looming 8-0 was too much to bear. I was becoming my mother! Heaven forbid...My mother is huge and fat! Eeek! One more kilogram, and I would officially classify myself as Fat, with a Big, Capital "F!" The dreaded F word was loaded with so much emotion. (About that another time)

I tried cutting back, skipping meals, slimming pills, etc. They all worked to a degree, however the moment I relaxed a bit, the weight quickly returned. So I experienced the classic yo-yo effect. Down a bit, up a bit, repeat. Lose a few, up a few and I could never break through losing more than just a few. So frustrating.

I was determined not accept my lot and accept that as I get older it is tougher to lose weight. I realised that if I relax and make peace with my weight, I was doomed to continue to slowly grow bigger and bigger. No way!

I am not into exercising, besides I'm told weight loss is 80% what you eat. I just have to eat less. Do you know just how little you need to eat? Next to nothing. If you are not used to normal portion sizes , it seems impossible. Many fat people think they don't eat much. However, follow a proper meal plan for someone your age and goal weight and you realise, whoa! I'm eating too much. Habits like smoking, going to bed early, loving sport, _______ (add whatever you obsess about) is tough to adjust, let alone break/change. And you have the mental voices telling you how hungry you are. If you are struggling with additional weight, you know what I'm talking about.

I had previously thought about purging my food, but didn't know how, its not easy to throw up on demand. Besides I had heard the horror stories of anorexia/bulimia. Scary stuff. Getting addicted to purging, or seeing your skinny self as fat would not be good either. Robbing my body of nutrition doesn't make sense. I just wanted a way to get rid of the extra calories. Those "not good for my health fries", those sweet delights that always tasted like more. I wasn't a disciplined saint. I knew I didn't need dessert after a meal, but if its there on offer, for the taking, how can I refuse the dreamy, creamy, delicious, soft, rich and frothy chocolate mousse. Wouldn't it be good to hit the eject button. No regret, just eject.

To purge or not to purge?

I started researching purging. I found it rather difficult to get information. It is considered a health risk and many websites refuse any information relating to anorexia or bulimia. I am not pro ana, however, using the purging strategy did help me breakthrough my barrier of losing weight. I relaxed, however ate well (no junk/chocolates/less calories than usual). We weight stuck again. This is disappointing. Going without, restricting calories and being good without reward sucks. I decided that I am going to include purging in my diet again. I don't like doing it, much like I don't like exercising. But I do both, as I want to lose some weight,so that I can feel and look good. I don't want to get fatter. This blog, is about my journey. My strategies, my thinking. What works for me. What doesn't work for me. My strategies may or may not work for you. You are your own person, you make your own decisions. Do your own research, make up your own mind. I am not a doctor or health professional. Just a regular woman, who is lazy, loves food, but refuses to gain weight. Honestly, I don't want to be skinny. I do want to be thin, but not bony thin. Curvy looks healthy. Toned looks fit. Follow my story for what I eat/avoid and how/when I purge.